If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I smell like Dick and happiness
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
