TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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