i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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