I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
