I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
