spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
