Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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