No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
