this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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