There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
