My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
