you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
