I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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