she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You did what with his pubic hair?
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