I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
