are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everclear isn't food dammit
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
