Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
