Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my shit smells like andre
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
