I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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