census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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