Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
