I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You may now shotgun with the bride
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
