So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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