He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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