it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
