I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
