You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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