Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
