some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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