I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
