You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
