Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
