RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
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