Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
