Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
