drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
