Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
