I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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