you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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