I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think i have two assholes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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