I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Fuck appropriateness.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
