Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
