Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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