maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
whose parrot is this?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
