Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Oh god it's open bar.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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