Ambien. No doubt about it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
