There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
