I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
