I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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