You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
