Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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