I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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