I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
