Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
there is glitter all over my balls
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
