I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
