y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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